Top 2 WORST Things to Say to a Victim
She is late again for work.
Why is she wearing a hoodie in July?
Why does she work with her sunglasses on?
Why is she late for work a few times a month?
Why is she quite yet very dedicated to her work?
I wish I knew how to help her more. I know that something is wrong, but I'm not sure how to bring it up at work. I know I need to say something, but I don't know what to do or how to approach her. All I know is that I can't sit by and watch this happen anymore.
Is this a conversation that you have ever had at work? That you find yourself distracted in staff meetings because you are thinking about them and wondering how they are doing? I have been in both of these places. I have been the victim and now victor, and I have been the supporter to a victim who was in abuse.
I had a great friend of mine recently reach out to me because she has some coworkers who are in abuse and she had been trying to help but did not understand her role as a supporter. She was doing the fundamental number one worst thing you could do as a supporter. She was trying to be the hero to save her co-worker. That is the first and worst step. Then she fell into the second trap and WORST step as a supporter. She told the victim to leave! That is was time to go.
**Now, logically telling someone to get away from abuse is VERY logical. But NOT practical. You see statistics have proven that the most dangerous time for a victim is when she is leaving the relationship. The abuser will hunt down what was "taken" from them and they will "take it back or hunt her down so NO ONE can have her."***(see states from NCADV.org)
So what do you do as a co-worker? Sit by and just do nothing? No! But... you do need to be educated on what to do. My Supporter's Toolkit has the research, the skills, and the practical steps to helping a victim to get out, stay out, and stay safe.
In order for any of us to REALLY get out of Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence we as victims must build a network in order to really get out, stay out, and stay safe. We as victims go through intense periods of isolation because of the abuse. We are in survival mode, and yet, we must do all that we can to try to connect.
If you are a co-worker and you see everything that is going on and you don't speak up, then you are not helping them. If you want to know skills to make sure that you are saying the right things and doing the right things then keep a friendship of trust going as much as possible. The victims will need to know that they can call on someone when it gets to that point in the relationship.
Here is a screen shot of a testimony of my friend who did the steps in the Supporter's Toolkit and came out with these results.
I am excited to bring this training of the Supporter's Toolkit now to the workforce. If you would like to know more about my Supporter's Toolkit and the training I can do for your Employee Assistance Programs or HR departments, please let me know. We want to make sure that everyone is equipped with the skills that they need just in case they find themselves as a supporter without the skills to know what to do.
I look forward to hearing from y'all. Please contact me email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org . I will contact you to help your business set up the Supporter's Toolkit that will give the tools to your employees and with those tools we can help change the face of abuse.