Number 1 Man to Man Conversation


6-part Blog Series The Supporter’s Gap Why Domestic Violence is Your Problem part 4

MEN, Are you Ready to Have the Man to Man conversation?

1 in 4 women is in abuse. 1 in 6 will be sexually assaulted. 2.9 million children will be abused annually. These are the hard cold facts. Who protects and fights against this injustice? Largely, Women. Women stand and fight for Justice. Women stand and protect other women, boys, girls, and other men. That is the truth; the statistics. But where are the men?

Men, if you saw your wife, your daughter, your son, your sister, your mother, your aunt, or a cousin be attacked in any form what would you do? Sit by? Stand up? Take the guy out? Protect? Walk away? Hide? What would you do?

When attacks happen against others, who comes to help? Who is there to raise the alarm? Statistics show that women help women most of the time. Men are somehow excused from the conversation. If an attack of Domestic violence, abuse, or sexual assault happens these are the most common question asked following the attack:

  • “Why did they put themselves in that position?

  • “Why doesn’t she just leave?”

  • “Why did she wear that dress to that party?”

  • “Why was she at the party drinking with all those guys?

How many of you have heard or even said these words? If you have then you are just as much a part of this problem in society. Men, have you ever said this? Women, have you?

Blaming the Victim

This is victim-blaming. We, as a society, are placing the abuse/assault at the fault of the victim. But wait, wait, why do we do that? Who is the one bashing our heads in the walls? Who is the one threatening our lives with weapons? Who is the one sexually assaulting our sons and daughters? Men. Men on Men, women, children violence is the problem. (I’m not talking about the outlying factors on the Spectrum here where women can be abusive as well).

How did the Man, the perpetrator, the one committing these crimes, get away with this. Why are we only focusing on the victim? How did men get dropped from the conversation? It’s simple. Society victim blames, and Leadership won’t step up to keep the focus on the perpetrator. Now before you think I am a male hater (I can see that that is where this was headed. I am a woman talking about men, therefore, I must hate men — no). Not at all. Keep reading. You will see what I am talking about.

I’m talking about nearly 80% of the Violence sexual assault and domestic violence on women, boys, girls and yes, other men, are committed by Men. Dr. Jackson Katz has studied this for over 3 decades and says that the evidence is undeniable. Men cause nearly 80% of the violence against women, girls, boys, and OTHER MEN. So the question becomes, “Why do Men abuse others? What is happening to men? And, how do we change it?” Before we can answer that question we need to understand the dominant society.

According to Dr. Katz, “Dominant groups are rarely challenged to think about their dominance or to explain themselves,” Katz says. They remain unexamined, invisible. In the case of violence against women, men — the dominant group — have therefore been erased from the conversation on an issue that is mainly about them. This was what we are seeking out to change. Women have been trying and dying for decades to have this change, but until Male leadership joins the violence will continue.

The Work of Women must be Recognized and Praised!

For decades women have fought and fought to be heard on these issues. Women have been at the forefront of the fight, the battle cry, the push to be heard, to have justice, to have a voice that says to BREAK the SILENCE and STOP the VIOLENCE! The work that women have done canNOT be discounted or discredited. They were the only ones to bring up the conversation and to fight to be heard.

Women have fought for the rights of women, girls, for boys and for men! Women have formed nearly all of the national foundations: National Sexual Assault Hotline, Nation