Guest Blog Post By Jeni BrockBank
“‘Hiding’ in my shower with my heart racing, sweaty palms, and adrenaline plus cortisol coursing through my veins. That’s where I was, even though my husband knew I had run in there, and I knew that he saw me. I felt panicked in a way I had never experienced before, and I felt like I was in mortal danger, yet I was physically safe. It was the first time I had experienced an extreme ‘flight’ response due to a discovery of acting-out behavior.
And it terrified me.
My experience may or may not be relatable because not all responses are as extreme as mine, while others are more intense…” (From page 17 of Healing In Christ’s Light From Patterns of Sexual Betrayal)
Many of those who receive a “sexual discovery and/ or disclosure” suffer in extreme ways. Still, we all too often live in silence, without qualified resources, community, or understanding about what can truly help us heal.
I Am One of You
Throughout my recovery as a spouse who has experienced patterns of sexual betrayal, I have been blessed to have access to many amazing tools and resources. What I didn’t know was how to make my new tools and resources fit with my understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
A few misunderstandings that I had were that:
Boundaries seemed controlling.
Self-care (which I like to call soul care) seemed selfish.
I thought I could control outcomes that were beyond my reach and more.
Thankfully, my understanding was faulty, and doctrine supports the healthy implementation of these principles and more.
I am a daughter of God who needed to learn how a daughter of God should be treated in a day and age where using images and videos of people for self-pleasure is normalized. I needed to learn that I didn’t need to walk this path alone and that there were many others out there like me. You aren’t alone, either.
It’s Not You
Friends, if experiencing sexual betrayal has given you the false notion that you are not enough or maybe even that you are too much, you are not alone. For those who are not sure that boundaries are a wise or righteous idea, you are not alone. And for those who are on an emotional rollercoaster after a discovery and/ or disclosure, you are not alone. And help is available!
I strongly believe in treating heartache and trauma from sexual betrayal using a trauma model and have organized my book in 3 stages to reflect this.
Stage One is Searching For and Embracing Peace (safety and stabilization).
Stage Two is Grief, Mourning, and the Savior.
Stage Three is Self Refinement.
Purpose In Pain
Sexual betrayal triggers some of the worst and most gut-wrenching pain imaginable, and it can also be a catalyst to learn that out of deep pain comes stunning beauty. The beauty might look like a marriage that is restored to something more beautiful than was previously possible. Beauty can also look like someone learning their worth and making hard choices to walk away from an unrepentant spouse and towards God. I am on the latter path, and while it is difficult, I find joy along the way.
Sister, you don’t have to walk the path of sexual betrayal alone. Find out more in my book Healing In Christ’s Light From Patterns of Sexual Betrayal.
Sending love to those in the trenches, Jeni.
Please join us on the Beacon of Light Podcast Tuesday, July 9, 2024 at 6:30 pm Mountian time to find hope and Light in Jeni's book.
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