If you have hope you can be free! Four Secrets Every Woman healing from Abuse Needs
Are you a person healing from abuse? Do you need to remain free from abuse, but you feel like fear and trauma are conspiring against you and sabotaging your success? Do you have questions about how hope can set you free, or maybe you need some tools to help you? Well, look no further because this article will give you the secrets you need, without you having to major in psychology. Best of all, these four parts of hope will put you on the healing journey and be free.
Secret #1: The Way You See One Thing Is The Way You See Everything
Imagine that you are standing in a cave. It is pitch black. Light is absent. You feel the muscles in the back of your eyes retract to let in any pinpoint of light. There is nothing—an abyss. This is the way you see this, so this is
Suddenly there is a pinprick of light. Your eyes immediately focus on it. It waves and flickers. You are drawn to it, but then you hear a negative voice say, It’s only a pinpoint of light. What can it offer you? And instead of shrinking back and saying nothing, you feel a small burst of light inside like someone struck a match say, I’m going to walk towards it. Suddenly in the darkness, you feel your feet walk in that direction.
If we don’t challenge the perspective, we will only see darkness. If, in other circumstances, if we are used to having no money, then we will see scarcity. If we only feel the pain and sting of abuse, then we will only see ourselves as a victim. We have to choose to see something different and chose action.
Secret #2: Freedom Mindset
Freedom. Because I left Domestic Violence blessings #4,761: Freedom. This is my mindset.
The first sabbath we were homeless, we still attended worship services with a random ward in Salt Lake City, Utah. I’ll never forget that it was a fast and testimony meeting (meaning that members who feel the Holy Spirit prompt them, stand at the pulpit, and testify of Christ).
I was overcome with such feelings of peace and light; I stood and testified of Jesus. The Spirit touched the heart through words that I still can’t recall. Even though no one knew me in that congregation, it didn’t matter. Their shining faces were smiling back at me.
I remember holding onto the walnut-colored wood and feeling the smoothness of the old pulpit that it seemed to strengthen me as I expressed my joy at our freedom. We were free from fear, pain, hate, anger, and terror of his broken mind.
We were free to create a future for ourselves. We were free to take advantage of all the blessings that Christ gave to us, and for the land, we lived in.
I was able to shop, learn, teach, hold a job, care for my children no matter if I had a home or not. Christ had taken the wheel, and I held my hands in solemn prayer, doing my best to listen.
If you have ever lost your freedom and were blessed to gain it back, you NEVER forget the abyss you were in and how you stretched towards pinpoints of light to grasp hold freedom.
Freedom once gained, fills you with life-changing gratitude and hope. I was altered forever. This blessing #4761 is etched deep inside, and I’ll fight to the death to keep it.
Secret #3: Time To Weed Out Your Garden Or Your Mind
How do you keep the positive thoughts there? NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR GARDENING GLOVES! Meaning, keep watching, and when the negative weed starts to pop up, yank it out by its roots. It is an action and conscious thought to fight back the weeds. There is no magic. There are AWARENESS and hard work, but you can do it. I have to stop listening to the “shame Shadow© that was always growing weeds in my mind and crowding out the light and positive thoughts.
When I had my 5th baby, and I was separated from my first husband. I grieved and grieved the loss of the IDEA of the perfect marriage, and the stain of divorce was all I could see. But then it hit me (literally after he walked out) that I didn’t have the perfect marriage. I had nothing by lies, pain, abuse, shame, paranoia, mental illness, and fear. What kind of a marriage was that? I started pulling the weeds, and wow, my mind was gaining perspective, and I was learning that my mindset was crucial to me making an exit plan and getting out.
Secret #4: Dreaming is FREEDOM
This secret is powerful, so I saved it for last. It took me a decade out of abuse before I could dream again. I will never forget sitting in my master’s class and listening to my fellow students about their dreams. Some spoke about vacations, future businesses, and places where they wanted to live with their family. It was an earth-shattering experience.
I was like, “I want to make sure my kids have shoes and food.” Two friends laughed and said, “we know--tell us your dreams!” I couldn’t. Why? FEAR! I was so afraid that even though I was out of abuse, I feared that something could happen and it would all be lost. Everything would end in an instant, and something would go dreadfully wrong.
A few years later, a friend just off the cuff said to me, “aren’t you tired of surviving? Don’t you want to live?” She might as well have hit me in the gut with a baseball bat. I was so winded and had no answer. I could feel my internal identity sticker of “survivor” being ripped off me! I had no response; I had nothing. That was my pride and joy that I could outlast and survive anything.
I had to start dreaming, and so I sat down to a blank screen and a cursor and typed one word. Hawaii. That was all I dared do.
Since then, I have done more dreaming, and it feels amazing. We are now going to make a movie of my book. I have a side gig business. I live in Texas. I am a writer. I have two books with six more to complete. I have traveled around the US speaking about domestic violence. And finally, I have an opportunity to create a DV curriculum all based on prevention with a shelter in Utah and create a satellite site in Texas for it—and for it to go nationally.
There is so much to dream about, and it gives you freedom—deep freedom.
As with any secret, these will change and adapt over time. Healing and dreaming are part of the journey. You are smart women, and healing from abuse—regardless of your current situation—is possible. It will take time on the journey. The four secrets we covered will help you get closer to your freedom help you remain free from abuse.
By the way, here’s how to find your mind shift from darkness to light by grabbing Out of Darkness today. “Out of Darkness: Find, Fuel, and Live in Your Light” - you can grab it here: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Darkness-Find-Fuel-Light/dp/1647461359