How can we see more men who want to protect and provide for their families? Right here!
Men of Might providers, protectors, and leaders of the family. Not hunters of the family
In our Men of Might series, the focus is to discover some key points about men and their role in the family, society, and that they are the key to changing the face of abuse. Through the weeks we will discuss how:
Men have significant roles in being the provider, protector, and leader in the family. (WEEK 1)
Leadership is the way to break the cycle of abuse because the clear fact is men abuse women, children, and other men. Leadership is a way to have that man to man conversation about abuse keeps the focus of abuse on the person inflicting the abuse and not on the victim. (WEEK 2) And finally,
The discussion we need as a society to help our boys to become men of Christ. That they know their royal birthright: Lovers of Christ, of their wives, providers, and protectors of the family. Not hunters of the family. (WEEK 3).
As we tackle these three key topics over the next few weeks, the desire is to have the readers gain awareness and a perspective of the power and importance of men in the health of the family. To break the cycle of abuse that has been generational is a challenge. One of the ways to do this is to help boys become men and help society to identify the role that men play within the family.
Clear fact, children are designed to be born and raised in families. Another clear fact is that the concept of the traditional family is not wrong, is not obsolete, but it is essential to help children have the best outcomes in their adult years. Men have a huge part and key element in this role, and they can not be diminished or dismissed.
According to an article published in Family Life,
“A father who protects his son by passing on wisdom, helping him build godly character, and teaching him to reject the lies and temptations of the world are needed more than ever before. This father is protecting not only his son but also the generations to follow as the wisdom he shares gets passed on and on.”
35 years of research stats that “Men should be raised to understand how to be the provider, protector, and leader.” Women, what do these words mean you? To me, this feel right and needs to be strengthened in society. Here is a better question, are we teaching children within our own families what these roles look like by our example, by our words, and by our actions?
As a mom of nine children raising five boys, I take this very seriously. I believe that the only way to stop all abuse is to focus on the family. I believe that is starts at a young age. We need to raise boys to become men.
Men of Might Point 1 - Provider
What does it mean to teach boys, teens, and men to become the provider? It means to teach them that they have a responsibility to think about others (their family) and that they have needs. These needs are physical, financial, emotional, and spiritual. To provide for physical and financial means is the whole point of school, college, and or job training, right? They need to have skills in order to create or get a job that earns that provides for the physical and financial needs of the family
Children can learn this from a young age by starting with jobs around the house or outside of the home like babysitting, yard work, or dog walking earning a set pay. With that pay, they can then pay a tithe, pay themselves (save), and then give or get something. Simple lessons, but powerful impacts on how to be a provider. What will our words say and our actions say about what they earned, what they did with it, and did they think about the needs of others?
We can emphasize that providing is then taken to the next level where you begin to provide for your needs and wants. As those increase, we teach them that providing means to earn enough for food, clothing, shelter, utilities, insurances, savings, and good wholesome family fun. It is a responsibility. It is important to save for the rainy day but don't pinch “your pennies to death.” Providing is a key support in helping men to feel like men.
Now that we have looked at physical, let’s dive into providing emotionally. Boys need to be raised where they can express themselves, their hurt, pain, anger, shame, joy, happiness, and love in a variety of ways. Basically, we love them for who they are and that love is consistent.
Raising boys to know that they are emotionally loved, valued, and when you mess up to be responsible for it but know I still love you. If they have taken actions that are wrong or mistakes, the actions need to have the consequences to learn lessons to not repeat, but the person does not have to be shamed. Shaming digs holes in self-worth and is destructive.
Now, will we as parents do this perfectly? No! Nor are we supposed to, but what we are supposed to do is keep trying and getting better to improve ourselves while helping our children to improve themselves.
The third part of providing is spiritual. Teaching children that there is more to life than themselves is key. Some people believe in God, others believe in a higher power, and a few believe in just being good. Any of these beliefs work as an entrance point to help children and teens and men to think beyond their own needs and wants. Thinking that there is something out there and teaching others about that is key to motivating change and peace. Stepping into the role means that you focus on the needs of others first. It brings you fulfillment and joy when you can provide for the family.
Men of Might Point #2 - Protector
What does it mean to be a protector? Protecting them physically is a huge part of the equation. You are the first to get up to check things out. It is not about the capabilities if a woman can or can’t do that it is as a role and a strength for the family that they should do that. For guys, it is built in to protect things but especially protecting the family and siblings around them.
It is more than standing guard and keeping the "bad guy" away. This fierce protection or their hearts, minds, and their physical self. If someone is saying hurtful things to others, do you witness your children joining those saying the hurtful things, or do you see them protecting them? If someone is speaking badly about your wife or children do you stand with them or do you join in the ridicule? Standing for your family, loving on them not tearing them down or belittling them, or not throwing them under the bus for your gain or to show off to colleagues is critical to understanding how to protect others.
Men of Might Point #3 - Leader
Here's what you do with leadership. For Men of Might, it is described as being a servant leader, and not waiting to lead. Being a servant leader is someone that is thinking of the needs of others prior to thinking of their own. Raising boys to think of others first might sound like a difficult challenge but according to Boys to Men Mentoring, “Good men are not born. They are built, shaped, and molded during their childhood and adolescent years by their experiences, influences, communities, and most importantly, the mentors in their lives that they look up to.” raising boys to know who they are and there is something bigger themselves, helps them to demonstrate selfless, sacrificial love—the type of love we see in God toward His children.
Pay particular attention to this leadership also means to jump in at 100% and not wait to take the lead. Dr. Phill says, “you get back what you put in.” When thinking about leadership that is powerful to think that how you invest your time, energy, and emotions, will be your return. Raising boys to know that they are investing in relationships helps them to understand and value to others. Studies say that with fathers in the house better educational outcomes, better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and many other advantages.
According to Boys to Men Mentoring, boys raised without a father and had no father figure in their lives are more likely to be aggressive and quick to anger, involved in illegal activities, be dropped out of schools and universities due to lack of effort and motivation, and having psychological and emotional problems stopping them from creating own families. See chart:
Fatherlessness on a teenager’s life:
85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.
71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
80% of rapists with displaced anger come from fatherless homes.
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
Gang membership increased from 50,000 in 1975 to 1,150,000 in 2008.
90% of homeless children are from fatherless homes.
85% of children with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother.
The reports are clear. Fatherless boys are disproportionately more likely to end up in prison. The prison incarceration rate more than quadrupled since 1975. A boy leaving high school to enter into a life of crime or drug abuse can cost his community $1.7–$2.3 million in his lifetime. Costing taxpayers $75 billion a year, 5% of the adult male population is in or has been in prison.
I think these statistics are sharp and clear. We must focus on the family. Men are a crucial part of it and can not be dropped of erased from it. Raising boys to be a provider, protector, and leader of the family is crucial for the health of the family. This is true men of might and the strength that can come from it is vital to the health of future society.
Overall these three points put some real power in your corner as someone who is standing up for the rights of the family and to stop the abuse. But don’t forget that there’s a lot more to than these three points to raise boys to have a successful life and family especially if you want to get how to raise men of might. Don’t let this article be the end of your journey, but rather the beginning of your quest for more knowledge on how to stop the abuse.
To learn more about how you can see men protect read my book Pinpoints of Light: Escaping the Abyss of Abuse. Click below for a free copy.