Red Flag # 4 Superhero
Nothing makes me angrier than hearing from women who are dating who fell into the Superhero trap. The problem with the Superhero is that there is not one person who can complete another. There is not one person who can take away all of your pain. There is not one person who has perfection, strength, and influence to save you from the world. That is in the books, the movies, and in our dreams. The reality of life is that we all mess up. We can have a great heart, try-hard, but we are just human at the end of the day.
If anyone presents themself as too good to be true, they are too good to be true. Superheroes will lead you into Domestic Violence/abuse. Luckily for you, this article explains the TOP 5 problems with Superheroes every Woman who is dating needs to understand. These are the Red Flag warnings about future abuse.
Tip #1: The Superhero in your Life
Who has ever presented themself as loving, kind, genuine, over-the-top in many categories, protective, strong, and perfect? All of these qualities are right, good, and fine, but for one. Perfect. When that word comes up repeatedly, it is a huge case for abuse because perfection is all about control. It is not getting better and improving your life. It is making sure that no one sees how messed up you are and hiding the truth. (We talked about this in Red Flag number one).
Tip #2: They Desire to Save You From Your Past
You have just met online. You are chatting back and forth. You have started to trust him. You share a bit about your past relationship that did not go so great. He says all the right things:
“That is so hard. You need your own bodyguard.”
“I can’t believe it. You poor thing.”
“Why do people hurt others? That is so sad. You deserve better.”
“If that happened to my girlfriend, that guy wouldn’t know what hit him.”
Your heart flutters. You think that this is a great guy. He is saying all the right things. They want to help you. They want to show you that they can make all the hurt, the financial pain, the wrong choices, just disappear. REMEMBER! NO ONE CAN DO THAT.
Tip #3: They want to Save you from Making Terrible Mistakes Because They Love You!
WARNING!! WARNING! Remember yesterday’s tip? This is control. If they see someone is struggling, they will swoop in help.
Picture it like this. You are a deer walking around in the woods. You are trying to find your family, and so you are a bit panicked. You are not paying attention, and in the same woods is a hunter. He is camouflage and blends into the surroundings seamlessly. He has set a trap in the woods and is following you around. You suddenly step on the trap, and its jaws clamp around your foot. You are in pain, stuck, and you need help! The hunter who you never saw suddenly makes a quick wardrobe change, and you are rescued by someone in a cape.
"It's a good thing I was here to save you from making another mistake."
As you fly away from that trap, and the past, all you can see is a pain-free future! You are in the arms of your hero. You are safe...for now. Let’s read onto the next tip.
Tip #4: They Demonstrate the Ultimate Superhero Behavior
Remember you are flying with them? That is a pretty fantastic superhero act. Right? To put that metaphor into reality, it would look like you have someone who stops the pain from hurting.
They distract you from your past. They show you a great time. They have a great work ethic. They have amazing friends. They are not in trouble with the law (as far as you can see), and they showing affection for you like no one ever has. Let’s jump to our next tip….
Tip #5: They Make all the Bad Stuff Just Go Away.
Life is amazing. The bills have stopped. The pain from the past is forgotten because the present is so amazing. Your old boyfriend has gone away. Even your family that treated you like dirt is now not bothering you anymore. See, the bad stuff just went away.
Then the superhero flight is over, and as you come in for a landing and start your new relationship together, you are thrown off guard as you hit the ground in a crash landing. It seemed to come out of nowhere! Stunned, hurt, and bruised, you stand up to see that there is a rip in his superhero suit, and you notice the camouflage of a hunter underneath.